Massachusetts Divorce Lawyer Blog

Divorce Statistics in Massachusetts

Gabriel Cheong — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 14:30:30 +0000

The probate and family courts of Massachusetts recently released data of different types of filings from 2005 to 2009.

Several interesting numbers:

Divorce filings in 2005 – 47,130
Divorce filings in 2009 – 53,097

Paternity filings in 2005 – 36,583
Paternity filings in 2009 – 49,754

These numbers show that there is a steady increase in the number of divorces filed (23.3%) and the number of paternity cases filed (26.5%). During this period of time, most divorce attorneys in and around the Boston area will tell you that there has been a decrease in clients. If there is an increase in the number of divorces being filed but a decrease in business for divorce attorneys, that means that there are more and more people filing for divorce on their own (pro se).

It is our role as lawyers to help people and it is our professional obligation to do more to help those filing for divorce navigate their way through the court system. Personally, I do my part by participating in many different pro bono activities and also publishing this blog to help answer people’s question about divorce free of charge.

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What marriage should mean

Gabriel Cheong — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:30:13 +0000

I’ve been posting a lot here recently about marriage despite this being a blog about divorce. But obviously divorce and marriage is related. As a divorce attorney, I don’t celebrate when my clients get a divorce. My job is a necessary evil. Divorce happens and it is the role of the divorce attorney to help lay a foundation out of the financial and emotional ruins of a divorce.

Therefore, I often ask myself the most basic question in my practice – what does being married mean or rather, what should it mean.

The bill did not pass.

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2010 California Marriage Protection Act

Gabriel Cheong — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 14:30:05 +0000

I fully support the initiative to place the 2010 California Marriage Protection Act on the ballot. Last year, California approved Proposition 8 based largely on the idea that allowing same-sex marriage is detrimental to the sanctity of marriage. Marriage is sacred and needs to be protected from perversion – so goes the argument. That is why it makes sense to support the 2010 California Marriage Protection Act. It takes Proposition 8 one step further by banning divorce in the state of California. If that doesn’t protect the sanctity of marriage, I don’t know what will.

You can read the proposed amendment here: http://rescuemarriage.org/2009/08/22/2010-california-protection-of-marriage-act/

“Jon and Kate plus 8 divided by 2 equals mortal sin”

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Confessions of an Absentee Father

Gabriel Cheong — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 01:00:21 +0000

I found a new blog recently that I hope to follow and see what happens. It’s written by a father of a 22-yr old daughter who he has not known since she was a week old. She recently reached out to him and he now documents his journey and feelings of being an absentee father.

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Same-Sex Marriage Statistics

Gabriel Cheong — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:30:14 +0000

Last week, voters in Maine struck down a law voted on by their legislature and signed into law by their governor, granting same-sex couples equal rights under the law. This is very disappointing and as I’ve said before, perhaps the rights of the minority should not be placed in the hands of the majority. If this was the case, we would still have segregation of schools, no voting rights for blacks and women and we’d still prohibit interracial marriages.

I came across a paper by Jeffrey Lax and Justin Phillips, “Gay Rights in the States: Public Opinion and Policy Responsiveness,” published recently in the American Political Science Review. Here is a chart from that paper illustrating the support for same-sex marriage by varying age groups (click to enlarge):

What this tells us is that in 15-20 years, when the more tolerant 18-29 yr olds become the average age group, same-sex couples will have equality. This gives me hope but it sure is a long time to wait.

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How to file for Divorce (the right way)

Gabriel Cheong — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:30:56 +0000

Over 90% of divorces ends up with both parties agreeing to sign a Separation Agreement and agreeing to jointly file for divorce. That means that over 90% of divorces ends up being uncontested divorces. Yet, 90% of divorces do not start off as uncontested divorces. There are many reason for this but a major reason, I suspect, has to do with the attorneys involved.

I’ve noticed that the first thing most divorce attorneys do when a new client gets retained is start to prepare a Complaint for Divorce. A Complaint for Divorce starts the process of a contested divorce (as oppose to a Joint Petition for Divorce that starts the process of an uncontested divorce). There could be many reasons why a divorce attorney might choose to initiate a contested divorce. It might be because after their consultation with the client, they realize that the other party to the marriage would never agree to come in and sign a Joint Petition and divorce together. Maybe because they want the element of surprise by filing for divorce first. Or it could be because divorce attorneys make more money litigating contested divorces because most charge by the hour (I do not).

When practicing divorce law, it’s best to remember:

the client’s best interest comes first, not the law firm’s bottom line
an uncontested divorce is cheaper, quicker and less disruptive to the client and family
if there are children, you want the client to know that they are divorcing their spouse, not the family. They will always be a family, even after the divorce

Keeping these things in mind, the right way to file for divorce is first trying to get the parties to come to an agreement and see if there’s a way to file a Joint Petition for Divorce. Even if it doesn’t seem possible at first or the client doesn’t want to – it is the job of the attorney to find a way and to counsel the client in what’s best. In my practice, over 90% of my divorce filings are Joint Petitions for Divorce (uncontested). They don’t all come to me uncontested, but taking a bit of time and effort, it’s surprising how couples can come together and agree to disagree.

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How Children Handle Divorce

Gabriel Cheong — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:30:10 +0000

My friend Leanna Hamill shared this site on twitter: Postcards from Splitsville.

It is powerful to read though the drawings from these children that are caught in the middle of their parents’ divorce. Each child processes divorce differently but most need to be reassured that it’s not their fault, that they’re still loved by their parents, and that there’s nothing they could’ve done to prevent the divorce.

All parents who file for divorce in Massachusetts are required to attend a Parental Education Course (a topic I’ve written about in part 1 and part 2). Although these courses are long and sometimes boring to some people, they are helpful to those parents who choose to understand how their grown-up conflicts affect their children.

Remember, your children see, hear and know more than you think they do. And whatever they don’t completely understand, they fill in themselves with make-believe and it’s going to be worse than the truth. Talk to your kids and listen to them.

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Should anonymous sperm donors pay child support?

Gabriel Cheong — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 17:49:09 +0000

In a novel case that’s being heard by the Court of Appeals here in Massachusetts, a woman who had 2 daughters through artificial insemination is demanding that her anonymous sperm donor’s identity be revealed so that she could establish paternity, child support and obtain medical information. The case is on appeal from Boston, Suffolk County probate court. [article here]

Sperm banks’ list of depositors are typically sealed tighter than a Swiss bank vault (although recently, that’s not so tight either). This is to protect the possible children of the donors and more importantly the donors themselves. The outcome of this case could jeopardize the entire sperm donation industry and therefore the hopes of a lot of women who wish to be artificially inseminated by anonymous donors.

If the identity of this donor were ordered to be disclosed – even if he ultimately would not be ordered to pay child support – it would put a chill on anyone who would even consider being a sperm donor. They would fear the threat of having to be dragged into family court and established to be the father.

Legally, I don’t believe the donor’s identity should be revealed. It would break the mother’s contract with the sperm bank and it would go against public policy. Personally, I believe this is a very selfish and desperate action by the mother.

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Genetic Sexual Attraction vs. Incest

Gabriel Cheong — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:40:37 +0000

I just read a story about a woman in Detroit who gave her son up for adoption 10-years ago, only to now track him down and had sex with him. [article from mlive.com]. At first, this just seems like a case of a deranged woman who forced her son to commit incest. However, while reading this story, it reminded me of a story I read about several years ago.

It involved a case of a brother and sister who was separated as children and met as adults. They found out they were siblings yet chose to engage in a sexual relationship. [abc story]. The story brings to life a condition known as Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA). How GSA is different from incest is that in all GSA cases, there is a common element that family members who engage in culturally prohibited sexual intercourse were all separated as children and only reunited as adults. Experts say that this new found bond creates this urge to catch up with a family member to a point that it crosses culturally acceptable norms and becomes incest.

In my mind, there is a difference between incest and what could be classified as GSA. I can imagine the feelings of connection and lost that comes with finding a long lost relative and how that could translate to lust or love in someone’s brain. Is it wrong? I can’t judge. Is it understandable? Yes.

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Information to bring to your divorce consultation

Gabriel Cheong — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 13:30:46 +0000

You’re ready to get a divorce and you’ve gone as far as setting up a consultation with a divorce attorney. These are a short list of items you should bring with you to your initial consultation with a divorce lawyer. Doing so will make it easier for the attorney to access marital property and give you a good idea as to what you can expect in a divorce settlement.

Certified copy of marriage license
Most recent statements from all bank and brokerage accounts
Most recent statement reflecting all retirement accounts
Most recent statements of any stocks, bonds, mutual funds, ETFs held outside of brokerage accounts
Any life insurance policies
Most recent pay stub
Copies of tax returns for at least the last 5 years
Most recent statements from all credit card or debt obligations
Information regarding any real property, including but not limited to: fair market value of the home (tax accessed value), total mortgage amount, names of people on the mortgage and title
Information regarding any automobiles and motor vehicles
Copies of all utility bills include gas, electric, telephone, grocery, etc.
Any and all financial information regarding your spouse

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