Of all the family law cases I deal with, those cases dealing with parents separated by distance are the hardest, legally and emotionally.  Mostly the families I see have two great parents.  It might be joint custody or one parent might have sole custody, but regardless, both are great parents.  So it’s all that much heart-wrenching when we have to decide which parent gets the child for the majority of the year and live a plane ride away.  There is no good way to do it.

Legally, there are standards to be met.  The best interest of the child has to be looked at in all cases.  The question has to be asked, “is it in the best interest of the child for him to stay or to go?”  Then depending on whether it’s a sole custody or a joint custody situation, you might also have to ask the question, “why is the parent moving?”  Is there a real advantage to the move?

But these are just legal jargon and standards that don’t fully encapsulate the enormity of the final decision.

These days, because of technology, we routinely set up Skype for parents so that they can hear and see their kids through video chats.  It is definitely a step forward but you still cannot hug your children over the internet.  That’s a shame.

I had the pleasure of sitting down to talk with Maureen Flores, a domestic violence advocate who works for Dove, Inc.  Dove is the only domestic violence agency serving the Norfolk county area of Massachusetts, which includes Quincy and the South Shore.

We talked about the different types of domestic violence, what family and friends should say to someone who they suspect is being battered, and the different types of services that Dove offers.

In this video, I talk about the basics of Massachusetts child support laws.  I discuss when child support is to be paid and how much support is paid by using the child support guidelines.  For parents wishing to obtain child support, I talk about the different types of services available, both free and paid.

Dan Savage presents his viewpoint on the state of gay adoption in America today by reframing the argument.  The issue is not “gay parents vs. straight parents.”  The issue should be whether it is better for a child to have parents at all vs. having no parents.

Gay people are allowed to foster children but not adopt them in some states.

“Every child deserves a mother and father.  It would be nice wouldn’t it if it did work out that way. But it’s not gonna work out that way.”

“Why are they in foster care? Because their gay parent abandoned, neglected and abused them? No. Because their straight parents abandoned, neglected and abused them.”

“Gay people don’t have children by accident…Every child that’s been adopted by a gay and lesbian couple is a wanted child.”

The military, if 2 people are not married, will not consider a joint reassignment. That makes it extremely difficult when the couple has a child together and they were either sharing parenting time or one parent had sole custody but the other had regular visitation rights.  In that case, when happens all the time,  the parents will have to go back to court to settle on a new custody arrangement.

These types of cases are generally call Removal cases because one parent is usually requesting that the child be removed from Massachusetts to live full time in another state.  If the parents cannot agree on a custody arrangement on their own, the court will make a determination for them.  They will look to see what is in the best interest of the child and also whether there is a real advantage in one parent moving while another parent stays.  Usually if there’s a job or military reassignment, there is definitely a real advantage to the parent for them to leave the Commonwealth.

How the court makes a decision is very complex.  Child custody lawyers for both parents will really need to convince a judge one way or the other if the parents don’t agree.  In a lot of cases, a guardian ad litem will be very useful to a judge in making his determination.

My advice for military families is that if you’re getting divorced and figuring out the parenting and custody situation, make advance plans for what happens when one parent gets deployed or reassigned.  You don’t want to deal with the issue at a later date because you will be spending twice the time, money, energy and heartache to litigate the issue and fight again.  Figure it out the first time around.

The GAL will work the both parties’ divorce or child custody lawyer to get a list of witnesses to talk to.  In a child custody case, they will typically want to talk to the parties and see the child interact with the parents in the home.  They will want to speak to the child’s teachers, babysitters, family members, doctors, etc.  Anyone that the GAL feels will have an opinion as to how the child is raised and the interaction between the child and the parents.

After the investigation and speaking with all the witnesses, the GAL will typically write a report to the judge detailing his investigation and lastly, make a recommendation on how custody should be ordered.

A GAL is very useful in that they will do a more extensive investigation and will be able to bring in more testimony and witnesses than if the divorce or child custody attorneys can parade in during trial.  You probably don’t want the entire family, friends, neighbors, teachers and doctors to be testifying at trial during your divorce or child custody battle.

If you’re in the Boston area and you feel you might benefit from using a GAL in your case, you should speak with your attorney.  Using a GAL can be a useful litigation strategy.