Inside “Divorce Court”
October 25th, 2010Sometimes the best thing an attorney can do is nothing
October 6th, 2010As attorneys who litigate, divorces or anything else, we have a tendency to want to protect our client by showing the client that we’re tough enough to stand up against the other side or that we’re not afraid to shout the other side down. We also have a tendency to want to protect our clients when things start to turn ugly or emotional. Many times during divorce negotiations, if the wife or the husband starts to cry because the other spouse is saying something hurtful or insensitive, attorneys will stop the negotiations and walk out with their client. Sometimes this is the right move but sometimes the best thing an attorney can do is nothing.
I had a recent case involving a divorce where both sides couldn’t come to an agreement through the attorneys. At the first court hearing, both parties and the attorneys sat down for a 4-way meeting. It was emotional. The wife cried and her attorney swooped her up and ended the talk. Negotiations broke down and we let the judge decide and both sides didn’t like the outcome.
Jump ahead to the second court hearing, both parties and the attorneys sat down for a 4-way meeting. It was emotional. The wife cried and again, her attorney swooped her up and ended the talk. The difference this time is the husband immediately left the room also and went to talk with the wife, one-on-one. The other attorney and myself stayed out of it and there was still crying. However, at the end of the day, the parties came to an agreement.
By swooping the client out of the meeting, we think that we’re protecting them from abusive behavior or emotional trauma. Sometimes that’s the case and it’s appropriate. But other times, we have to let it happen. We have to let our clients feel the pain of divorce because divorce is painful. It hurts to get a divorce. And if we’re enabling our clients to avoid that pain by avoiding interaction and talking with the other side, nothing gets done and the client can’t move on, legally or emotionally.
The job of a great divorce attorney is to have the wisdom to know the difference between allowing our client to feel pain and when it’s not appropriate.