Boston Divorce Lawyer Blog

Dan Savage presents his viewpoint on the state of gay adoption in America today by reframing the argument.  The issue is not “gay parents vs. straight parents.”  The issue should be whether it is better for a child to have parents at all vs. having no parents.

Gay people are allowed to foster children but not adopt them in some states.

“Every child deserves a mother and father.  It would be nice wouldn’t it if it did work out that way. But it’s not gonna work out that way.”

“Why are they in foster care? Because their gay parent abandoned, neglected and abused them? No. Because their straight parents abandoned, neglected and abused them.”

“Gay people don’t have children by accident…Every child that’s been adopted by a gay and lesbian couple is a wanted child.”

* courtesy of the New York Times

The issue I want to discuss is joint physical custody (as oppose to legal custody).  In my opinion, joint physical custody is detrimental to the children and should not be pursued in most cases.

In a typical custody fight during a separation or divorce, both parents will want sole physical custody.  Sometimes, they will compromise and settle for joint physical custody where the child will spend 3 days with one parent, then move and spend 4 days with another parent.  Can you imagine how difficult this is for a child?  As an adult, I would find it difficult to have to uproot myself and move every 3 or 4 days, not being able to have one permanent place I call home.  If I, as an adult, find it difficult, imagine how it affects children.

Children needs stability.  Divorce and separation is already difficult enough on a child due to massive changes in routine in a child’s life.  As parents going though separation or divorce, you need to at least be able to provide stability in as many areas of the child’s life as possible.