Boston Divorce Lawyer Blog

Despite the tone of the title, I knew adultery is still a crime in Massachusetts but was quite shocked when my twitter friend, Corine K. Claxton (criminal attorney in Worcester, MA) sent me the court opinion of the last criminal adultery trial in Massachusetts.

[COMMONWEALTH v. JUDITH STOWELL]

The last adultery case to be tried criminally was in 1983.  The woman, Judith, had a late night rendezvous with a man in an abandoned lot in his van when police came up to the van and arrested both Judith and the man for adultery.  They were both married, but not to each other.

“We take judicial notice that the act of adultery frequently has a destructive impact on the marital relationship and is a factor in many divorces.”

I disagree with the court on that statement.  I don’t think adultery is a cause of most divorces – I believe it to be a symptom of a bad marriage.  People cheat because they’re unhappy or unfulfilled with their relationship.  So there is already a downhill relationship, usually, before any of the parties cheat.

“It seems beyond dispute that the [statute] defining or punishing the [crime] of . . . adultery . . . [has] fallen into a very comprehensive desuetude.”

Desuetude, to define, is law that is still on the books but is not used or exercised.

One of the frequent questions I get asked by divorcing clients is whether to file a no-fault divorce or to allege adultery as a grounds.  They also want to know what is the impact and reason for claiming adultery or not.  I usually tell them that it doesn’t matter what the grounds for divorce is (except for some very specific instances) because the divorce will be granted no matter what.  Adultery does go to the conduct of the parties during a divorce, which in turn is a factor in determining alimony and division of property – however, in all honestly, it’s only one of many factors that go into determining alimony and division of property.

Generally, it’s much better and easier to file based on no-fault than to allege a grounds such as adultery.  I’ve gotten divorces based on adultery before and I can assure you that it’s neither simple or pleasant.

I’m a divorce attorney and I have represented fathers and mothers and I have seen how divorce can tear families apart.  I have seen the sadness and the hardships that befalls the innocent children.  I have seen fathers who not only walk away from the mother but also his children; and I have seen mothers walk away from her children.  I have represented victims of domestic violence who cares nothing for their own safety but only cares about how to ever make their children feel safe again.

Through all this, I have also seen how fathers and mothers realize that even though they’re divorcing, they will always be a family.  I have seen the effort fathers and mothers put in to assure that their children are loved and know they’re loved.  I have seen fathers stay with their children, pay more then their fair share of child support and fight for custody of their children because it was the best thing for them.

I never had a biological father but I believe a father is more than just the person who you’re biologically related to.  A father is someone who puts on the shoes of a father.  He doesn’t have to be related to you at all.  He just has to love you, support you, teach you, and be there for you.

Happy Father’s Day to dads, both biological and otherwise.

[Adopted by a man who used to date my mom]

This is the second part of a series where I explore the usefulness of over the counter forms for various types of “legal” services that you can pick up at your local office supply store.  Today, I’m going to be talking about over the counter divorce forms.

Click here for Part 1: Over the Counter Formed Wills

Last time when I talked about Wills, I actually bought the package so I can scan it in to show you and go paragraph by paragraph to dissect it.  While I was at a similar giant office supply store today, I saw a similar packet for divorces but could not bring myself to buy it since it costs $30.00 and after looking through the packaging at the forms, I already knew what I was in for and what I had to write about.

On the cover of the package, it says that it is valid for all 50 states.  They made a similar claim for their Wills package.  As any practicing attorney will tell you, divorce laws varies from state to state.  For example, in Massachusetts, we use a system called “equitable division” whereas in California, they use “community property”.  How can one set of forms possibly comply with the laws of two different set of state laws?  The answer is that it cannot.

The forms are generic so as not to copy or identify it to any one state – and since it doesn’t specifically serve any one state, it serves none!  If you filled in any of those forms and brought them into any of Massachusetts’ probate courts to file, they will not only laugh in your face but they will likely mock you relentlessly.  Massachusetts divorce forms (yes, not all forms are bad) are specific in their appearance, structure and color.  Some forms need to be printed on pink paper (financial statements) while some needs to be printed on blue paper (child support guidelines).  The forms in the over the counter packet did not account for any of these idiosyncrasies of state divorce law and practice.

If you want free divorce forms for Massachusetts, don’t waste $30 on a useless package.  You can get them for free at the Legal Library and at the Suffolk Probate Court site.  Best of all, they’re the actual forms we use in the state and by practicing attorneys and all for a one time fee of $0.

Of course, I want to end with this:  lawyers specialize in divorce because we know the pitfalls and we know how the system works.  We’re not lawyers simply because we can fill out forms.  Having these forms is no substitute for personal legal advice.

New Hampshire will be the 6th state in the nation to allow same-sex marriage.  The other states are Massachusetts,  Connecticut, Maine, Vermont and Iowa.

I think the tide is starting to turn in favor of equal rights and it makes me proud of our nation.

I’m reminded of Martin Niemoeller’s poem and how we should fight for equality even if it doesn’t directly affect us.

“They came first for the Communists, 
       and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist.

Then they came for the Jews,
      and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
      and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Catholics,
      and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.

Then they came for me,
      and by that time no one was left to speak up.”